Sex and Sexuality
Sexuality
What is sexuality?
Sexuality is how people express themselves sexually — through feelings, emotions, relationships, and physical acts. It's normal for young people to have sexual thoughts and feelings. Open conversations can help them understand their bodies and make smart decisions.
Talking about sex and sexuality also supports your child's emotional wellbeing and makes them less likely to hide things from you.
What the topic means to your child depends on their age and what they've been exposed to on TV, online, through music, or in the classroom. They may feel uncomfortable asking questions, and you may feel awkward addressing them, too. Have the conversation anyway, so your child learns about sex and sexuality in a safe, healthy way.
What does sexuality look like for my child?
Children and teenagers have an innate curiosity about sexuality and a healthy interest in learning about it. Unfortunately, they also get a lot of confusing — and sometimes upsetting — information about sexuality from their peers, the media, and online.
How do I prepare to talk with my child about sex and sexuality?
Before talking with your child, think about how you'll react if they bring up a topic that makes you uncomfortable. Plan ahead for tough questions — it will help you stay calm and respond in a caring way, no matter what they ask.
How do I start a conversation with my child about sex and sexuality?
Here are a few ways to start:
- Ask your child what they think about when their classmates or peers talk about their crushes.
- Talk openly.
- Let them know that sex is natural and healthy as long as it is consensual and practiced safely when they are mature enough.
What should I do during the conversation?
When children bring up sex, sexuality, or identity, they often have a specific concern or question in mind. As a result, they look for information from a reliable source but worry about the awkward conversation that might result. Put your child at ease by showing them you're willing to talk openly about these topics.
A few tips:
- Ask what brought the topic or question to mind.
- Limit your answer to that topic or question.
- Ask if they have more they want to discuss.
- Ask for consent (and wait until you receive it) before taking the conversation further. Doing so increases the chances they'll come back to you for future discussions about sex and sexuality.
- If your child asks a question that you’re not sure how to answer, tell them you’ll look into it and get back to them. Do this, and follow up when you have an answer.
How do I continue having conversations with my child about sex and sexuality?
Talking about sex and sexuality with your child isn't a single, one-time “talk.” Revisit these topics in an age-appropriate way whenever it feels relevant.
For example, before your child gets their first smartphone, talk with them about the inappropriate content they may encounter — kids online may come across disturbing sexual content by accident, or hear about it from friends and seek it out.
Sadly, it's not uncommon for young people who text to receive requests for nude photos from peers or to receive unsolicited ones. Talk with your child about why it's not okay to ask for, or share, naked or intimate photos or videos. Explain how sharing these images is wrong and may have negative consequences. Depending on local laws, which may qualify sharing naked or intimate photos of a child as child pornography, young people may also face strict penalties for sending or requesting these images.
Conversations like this may feel awkward for both of you, and it's okay to acknowledge that. Remind your child that you love and accept them, and that you want to help keep them safe. Urge them to come to you with any questions. Let them know that even if you don’t have all the answers, it’s important to you to be able to talk openly together about these topics.
Sexual Orientation
What is sexual orientation?
Sexual orientation describes the patterns of emotional, romantic, and/or sexual attraction a person feels toward another person. Common words people use to describe their sexual orientation include asexual, bisexual, gay, lesbian, pansexual, and straight.
Even if your child has not raised the topic of sexual orientation or identity with you, you can show them through your words and actions that you support and respect all people. Remember, your child will notice this support - or lack of it - and will likely follow your lead.
Be an ally to friends and family in the LGBTQ+ community, whether it's speaking positively about an LGBTQ+ person you know, or a character from a movie or television show; or reflecting out loud about sexuality issues surfacing in the news.
How do I talk with my child about their sexual orientation?
Between 7% and 9% of youth identify as LGBTQ+. If your child tells you they're questioning their sexual orientation or shares that they're part of the LGBTQ+ community, encourage them to talk about their feelings. Listen without interrupting. Then, share your support and acceptance.
You may not understand everything right away, and that's okay. If your child says something unfamiliar to you, or something that conflicts with your cultural or religious beliefs, it may be hard for you to accept. Even if you need that time to process what they've shared, tell them you love them and that nothing will change that. It's crucial that you express your support.
On your own time, after the conversation is over, use the resources below to help you process your feelings, find answers to your questions, and learn more about LGBTQ+ topics.
When talking about sexuality and sexual orientation with your child, avoid making assumptions about the kind of people they find attractive. You can use words like romantic interest or crush.
How do I continue having conversations with my child about their sexual orientation?
Thank your child for opening up to you. Let them know you're always willing to listen if they have more to say.
Check with your child before sharing anything they tell you about their sexuality with others, even other family members. Your child felt they could trust you with this information, but they may not feel comfortable talking about it with other people yet.
Ask your child if there's anything you can do to help them or support them.
The more accepting you are during this conversation, the more likely it is that your child will talk with you about their feelings in the future.
And remember - Listening is a form of love.
Hearing about your child's sexuality or identity might be difficult due to long-held beliefs getting in the way of immediately supporting your child. But keep this in mind: Your child trusted you to share vulnerabilities, and it was probably difficult for them to come to you, too. Reassure them that you love them - either by saying it or showing it.