Digital Life
What does digital life mean?
Your digital life includes everything you do online—streaming a movie, watching a YouTube clip, listening to a podcast, playing games, or checking social media. Your family may do some of these things together, and if your child has access on their own, you may use parental controls to supervise what websites, apps, and shows they use, watch, and play when you’re not around.
Many young people want to connect with friends on social media or in multiplayer video games. They may feel like they are missing out if others their age are doing these things and they aren’t.
What does your child's digital life look like?
If your child has a smartphone or other device, they may use it to text friends, use social media sites such as Instagram and TikTok, or to play games. They may use the web to pursue hobbies, learn new skills, and join communities based on shared interests. If your child is spending time online, they need your guidance.
Every child is different, so it’s up to you to decide when your child is ready for a smartphone, when and how to monitor their online activities, and how to set appropriate boundaries. If their peers are connecting digitally and making plans by text or through social media, avoiding these tools may put your child at risk of social isolation. But before giving them access, set clear rules.
These boundaries could include: Setting a curfew for devices, sharing all passwords with parents, and only using (and charging) devices outside kids’ rooms. Let your child know that you’ll be monitoring their texts and other activity. Be sure they understand that everything they send or share is public and permanent.
Keep in mind that you may not know about every aspect of our child’s digital life. Young people today are often tech-savvy and may open multiple online accounts without parental permission. Although many sites require users to be at least 13 years old, it’s easy for a child to enter a fake birthday.
Talking with your children about their digital life
Prepare for the conversations
Understand the risks associated with online activities. Social media and multiplayer gaming can be addictive, and some young people lose interest in other activities. They may want to keep scrolling, or keep playing, late into the night. This can affect their physical and mental health, their real-world friendships, their grades, and more.
If your child uses social media, do you know who they follow and communicate with? If your child plays video games, do you know the other players? Learn how to use the parental controls in their apps and games to keep them safer.
When to start conversations
Is your child asking for more freedom online? Whether they want their own smartphone or permission to join a social media site, talk to them about your concerns.
Has your child been spending more and more time online? Do they seem less interested in real-world friends and activities? They may be struggling with something and using their phone as a distraction.
Start a conversation
Remind your child that as a parent, it’s your job to keep them safe, including in their digital life. Let them know that you want to give them new opportunities, but it can be hard to protect them from harm online.
In conversation
Before your child uses social media, talk with them about what kinds of thoughts, feelings, and photos are safe to share online. If they respond to friends’ posts, encourage them to be kind. Discuss how social media can cause self-esteem issues when people compare themselves with retouched, filtered photos.
Discuss which settings—such as keeping their account private—can help protect them from unwanted activity.
Is your child already online? To learn more about their digital life, ask them what they like about the websites they visit and apps they use. How does spending time there make them feel?
Ask your child how much device use they think is healthy. Explain that social media platforms and video games are designed to keep people using them. It can be hard to stop scrolling or playing, and online activities may interfere with other parts of their life.
Discuss reasonable limits and consider setting an alert that lets you both know when they reach that limit. Consider turning off push notifications so that games and apps won’t interrupt other parts of your child’s life.
Has your child seen anything online that they found upsetting? Talk about the kinds of posts they might come across, including messages that promote things like hate, racism, unhealthy and negative body image, or violent behavior. Make sure they know how to use the report, block, and mute features.
Encourage your child to come to you if they have questions or want to talk about something they see online.
Next steps
Understand the conversation
If your child mentions something about an app or game that you’re not familiar with, ask them to show you what they mean. The more you know about the situation, the more likely you are to be able to help.
Show your child what a healthy digital life looks like. Model the kinds of choices that you want them to make. If you find yourself struggling to put your phone down, let your child know that it’s hard for you, too.
Continue the conversation
If your child is spending more time online than feels healthy to you, consider creating windows of time when they don’t have access to their phone (such as during hours when they should be asleep). Emphasize the importance of balancing screen time with non-screen activities.
Your child may expect more privacy online as they get older. Have regular conversations with them about online safety so they will have the skills to make smart decisions about how they interact with others.