Dating and Romantic Relationships
What is dating?
When your child develops romantic feelings for someone else, they may want to start dating. Dating is about spending time with someone they like so they can get to know them better and potentially develop a romantic relationship.
It’s normal for young people to be interested in dating—but it’s also normal not to be interested in dating.
What do romantic relationships look like for your child?
Every child is different, and it’s up to you to determine if your child is ready to date. Dating requires a certain level of emotional maturity and an understanding of consent and personal boundaries.
Some young people will be more open to talking about their dating life than others. Meet your child where they are, and remind them that you’re interested because you care about them.
Talking with your children about dating and romantic relationships
Prepare for the conversations
Conversations about dating will vary depending on your child’s age, but you don’t have to wait until your child expresses interest in dating to address these topics. Talk with them in an age-appropriate way about crushes, romantic relationships, and the importance of consent.
If your child wants to start dating for the first time, think about what dating rules or expectations you have for your child. Do you want to meet their date beforehand? Do they have a curfew?
When to start conversations
If your child is interested in dating, ask them why and what they think it will be like. Talk about what healthy relationships look like, and emphasize that it is also normal to be single.
If your child is dating someone and seems anxious or stressed, check in with them about how things are going.
Signs that your child could be in an unhealthy relationship include:
- Isolating themselves
- Secretive behavior
- Struggling to keep up at school
- Losing interest in favorite activities
- Unexplained injuries
Don’t make assumptions. Talk with your child and keep an open mind.
Start a conversation
Your child may be reluctant to discuss their romantic feelings with you. If they share anything personal, listen without judgment.
If they seem embarrassed, consider talking about dating and romance in a more general way. For example, if you are watching a TV show or movie with your child, you could discuss dating and romance as it relates to the characters.
If your child is dating someone, talk with them to make sure it’s a healthy relationship. What do they like about their partner? What don’t they like? How do their friends feel about their partner? If you notice any red flags, respond with sensitivity. Express your concern and ask what you can do to help.
In conversation
Let your child know that you love them and want to keep them safe, even in their romantic relationships.
Ask open-ended questions, such as “What do you think a healthy relationship looks like?” If they aren’t sure, offer examples from real life or from a TV show or movie.
Explain that in a healthy relationship, people trust, respect, and support each other. They feel comfortable expressing their feelings. They like spending time together, but they also understand that they are not their partner’s only priority. They listen to each other, especially when it comes to consent. They take it seriously when a partner says “No” to something.
Discuss what unhealthy relationships look like, too. Not every unhealthy relationship is violent. Sometimes the problems are more subtle. Partners may not trust each other or respect each other’s boundaries. For example, one partner might try to control the other by isolating them or invading their privacy.
Talk about why it’s important for people to be able to express themselves—and stand up for themselves—in romantic relationships. Encourage your child to tell you if they ever feel unsafe in a relationship.
Next steps
Understand the conversation
If your child says anything that makes you worry about them or their relationship, stay calm and talk with them about your concerns. Consider involving outside help, such as a therapist.
Continue the conversation
If you are dating or in a romantic relationship, model healthy behavior for your child. They will learn from how you and your partner treat each other, how you make decisions together, and how you resolve conflicts.