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Anger

What is anger?

Anger is the feeling of extreme displeasure or antagonism toward someone or something. It can be a difficult emotion to manage, and some kids lose their cool by kicking, screaming, or saying hurtful things.

Holding in a lot of anger can harm your child's physical and mental health.

When should I start a conversation with my child about their anger?

When you notice your child might be angry,  it’s important to address the situation immediately. 

If your child is in the middle of a meltdown, giving them some space can help them learn to manage their emotions more easily next time. At the same time, be clear about the line between your child having angry feelings and acting on them in a violent way.

How can I start a conversation with my child about anger?

Ask your child if they can tell you what's bothering them, and express genuine curiosity about their behavior. Avoid asking while they still seem frustrated—instead, try saying something like:

“I care about you, and I can tell that something is making you angry. I'd like to know what it is.”

Be mindful and gentle. If your child isn't ready to open up right away, some activities that other people have found helpful include:

What should I keep in mind once we're talking?

  • Try not to take what your child says personally. Stay focused on listening rather than reacting to what they say while they're upset.
  • If you played a role in what happened, don't hesitate to apologize. Saying “I'm sorry” can go a long way toward building trust with your child.

What are some helpful next steps after talking to my child about anger?

Ask your child how long they've felt angry, and follow up by asking if they have any ideas about what might help them feel better—and what you can do to help.

Putting angry feelings into words often helps children find emotional relief. Talking about painful emotions with an attentive, empathetic adult can help them move through, and move past, what they're feeling.