Peer Pressure
What is peer pressure?
Peer pressure is when people who are around the same age urge each other to behave in certain ways. Sometimes it happens out loud, and sometimes it’s more subtle.
What does peer pressure look like for your child?
Peer pressure can be positive or negative. Positive peer pressure might look like a group of friends encouraging each other to study before a test or practice a sport before an important game. Negative peer pressure might look like encouraging someone to use an illegal substance or share nude photos.
Social media can also contribute to peer pressure by creating norms or setting expectations. For example, if your child starts using Instagram and sees their friends posting highly edited, perfect-looking photos, they may feel pressure to meet those unrealistic standards.
Talking with your children about peer pressure
Prepare for the conversations
Talking about peer pressure can make your child more aware of it and help them resist its negative effects. If you have an example of a time that you encountered peer pressure, share it with your child. What choice did you make and what were the consequences?
When to start conversations
Children with low self-esteem may be more vulnerable to peer pressure. They may need help setting healthy boundaries. If your child has been avoiding school or other normal activities, peer pressure may be part of the reason why.
Start a conversation
Encourage your child to think before making decisions. If they do or say something just to please their friends, they will still have to live with the consequences. It can be uncomfortable for kids to make an independent choice, especially if their friends criticize them for it—but you can teach kids the value of trusting their own judgment.
Talk with your child about what peer pressure looks like and sounds like. Ask them to share examples of peer pressure they’ve witnessed or experienced. Listen calmly, even if they say something you find upsetting.
Remind them that their friends like them because of who they are, not because they are exactly like everyone else. Good friends will listen to you, respect your choices, and accept you for who you are.
In conversation
Talking with your child about peer pressure can help them recognize what peer pressure looks like and avoid accidentally pressuring their friends to do things they may not want to do.
If your child experiences peer pressure themselves, point out that humor can be a helpful tool for handling it—even just by pointing out that it’s peer pressure and they don’t like it.
Give your child permission to blame you if they ever need an excuse to say no to something they don’t want to do. “My parents are really strict, so I can’t do that.”
Encourage your child to be mindful of how their words and actions can affect others. If they see friends or peers facing negative peer pressure, they can help by calling it out or saying something supportive like, “They said no. Let’s respect that.”
Next steps
Understand the conversation
If your child is facing peer pressure to do things they don’t want to do, ask if there’s anything you can do to help. They may prefer to handle it on their own.
Consider choosing a special code word for your child to use if they are in an uncomfortable situation and they want you to come pick them up. This allows them to ask for help without feeling embarrassed in front of their friends.
Continue the conversation
Peer pressure is a powerful force. Let your child know that they can always come to you—without judgment—if they are struggling with peer pressure around substance use, online activities, or any other aspect of their life